All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Shame is for Republicans.
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