The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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