Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
