i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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