cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
