you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
