im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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