they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
