yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize