We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I stole a fireplace last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
