96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
