I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
