If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
