There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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