i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
