Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
