You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Operation Purity has been aborted
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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