The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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