Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
