It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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