I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize