U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
