this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So much Jack, so little girl.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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