Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
