What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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