During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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