Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
