You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
