i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
