I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
