Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
