we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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