I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
