I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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