How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
