Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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