I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
