The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
