yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
