porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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