she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
