Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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