I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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