He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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