Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
