At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
