I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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