The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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