You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The air was thick with penises
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
