Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
