hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
