you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
