life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
