The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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