If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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