when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize