My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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