i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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