11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
don't judge my taste in strippers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
