Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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