My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
