Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can I color on your dick again?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
