forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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