I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I could have mohawked her pubes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
