ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
