Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
